(Why am I writing?)
Welcome to my first blog post!! I am so excited for PROGRESS, I still have no clue what I’m doing but I got started and that means too much to me!!! So let’s get right into it before I get distracted.
If you asked me “WHO ARE YOU?” 6 months ago, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I figured out my favorite color in February of 2023 and realized that a lot of the situations I was getting myself into were a search for something that I could only understand through myself. So that says a lot…I didn’t understand self-awareness, and with my neurodivergency, I mirrored people’s emotions so they could understand me better.
But one thing I did know was that I was very intelligent and always kept an open communication with God. So even if I fell off I had the wisdom to figure it out, so that was definitely a start. That started my Journey to Self Love, I wasn’t ready to give or give in to being unhappy. While connecting the dots I focused on self-education and Self Development. I never understood the concept of “Self” and what it meant to Find and Love yourself. It is written that you should love your neighbor as yourself NOT More than yourself and that’s what I messed up. In addition to the trauma and training that stacked onto my already present insecurities on a daily basis, I was so distracted that I wasn’t able to sit down and reason with myself. My Self-discipline was way OFF!
I’m very proud to say that at my YOUNG age, I caught a grip. I started reading self-development books, Watching videos on YouTube, RE-RE RE-Building my relationship with God, and Focusing on SELF. I had to honestly feel my emotions and ask myself What do I really Want? Who am I? Who am I NOT? And I was determined to figure out my identity; and once I figured it out, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders and a sudden urge to Stand on it! (Hair flip)
**SN: My eldest sister and I were having a conversation earlier this week and she started complimenting me on my Self-awareness and Intelligence and that was my Sign from God to start writing. Now mind you my sister’s and I relationship was estranged until we started bonding over our love for carnival and realized that we had WAYYYY more in common than just looks. Stay tuned for that journey!
I’ve been through so much weird SHIT (please excuse my French), but I’ve always stayed Loyal and Genuine with good in my heart and that’s always been my biggest flex. People will disrespectfully push you beyond your limits, no matter how much you’ve been there for them. Once I learned to stop taking everything personally and stand up for myself that changed the My game.
So I’m going to give an example, just try to keep up…
I’m introverted to the fullest extent but I confidently handle myself in public (if you know what I mean) I am also on the neurodivergent spectrum so I’m weird, but I have good energy, and Im freaking gorgeous. Therefore people tend to get the wrong impression which makes me uncomfortable in most settings and forces me to be overconfident which is super draining.
**Pause: If this isn’t making sense maybe it’s not supposed to, Which is exactly my point 🙃
Like I said earlier I study the psychology of people and mirror their energy to effectively deal with them, Very similar to a Manic Pixi Dream Girl but with depth and intelligence and heavy on the Mental Illness.
So I now understand Why I NEED to spend almost all of my time alone to process my thoughts and recharge instead of just calling myself Antisocial. (That’s where the self-education and awareness come in) Realizing that I am Highly misunderstood and empathetic I choose to move differently for my sanity.
I may have gone off topic but ALWAYS keep in mind;
Who is for you will always be for you!
You are who you are and Nobody can love you the way you want to be loved unless they want to. Therefore It may be best to give yourself that love by all means necessary so you won’t have to force someone to do something they entertain for their own satisfaction or purpose.
There’s a saying that says… No matter how much you love others, If you don’t love yourself; others will put a price on your value. NO MAN WOMAN OR CHILE CYAN TELL ME MY WORTH. (in my VI accent)
At this point in my life, I understand that and I’m willing to take accountability for who I am, the positions I’ve put myself in and the journey to understand better. THIS IS WHY I’M WRITING…. To Share my experiences on self-discovery and self-education to Inspire others to become the best version of who they already are.
NOBODY IS PERFECT, LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT!!!
We all have issues… Some more than others, just remember your life is a book and every blessing and adversery is just another chapter. With a dash willpower and muscle, EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT! Determination, Faith and an Open Mind, we’ll figure it out together one step at a time.
Who am I? … Im Ladyy Beanz “The Cruzian Dolly” 🇻🇮 Nice to meet you!😘
* Check out my YouTube @ladyybeanz for my first video on this journey.
Who am I? My Journey to Self-Love and Self-Discovery 🌹
